Viking Coach

A couple of weeks ago I found out that one of my seventh grade son’s teammates had been asked to play with the eighth grade traveling team.

It was an interesting situation for me to be in as I have always been on the coaching side of moving players up to a higher level to play but now I was on the parent side of the coin.

My first thought. . . “I wonder what my son is thinking.”

When you pull players up to play at a higher level, a coach sometimes runs the risk of disappointing the players that are not chosen. Not all players are asked to move up because not all players are equal. Some kids physically develop at an early age giving them a natural advantage while others have developed better skills than their classmates. Both of these situations create opportunities for some players to be moved up while others get a "normal" athletic experience.

This is the case with my son’s teammate. He is the most athletic player on the team and he is physically more mature than my son. I can totally see why he was asked to help out the eighth grade team.

The ultimate concern for a coach, in this situation, is the response of players that are "left behind". My fear is that some will get frustrated and quit the team or even worse some may start developing a "chip" on their shoulder. For the players that do not move up a coach hopes that seeing a fellow player move up, instead motivates them to want to one day do the same thing.

I didn’t really know how my son would respond when I asked him what he thought about his teammate being asked to play up while he wasn't.

His answer made me proud. . .He told me, “It motivated me to work harder.”

I explained to him that it was okay to be initially bummed about not being asked to play with the eighth graders. It is an honor to be asked to play at a higher level and it is natural to have "negative" feelings when these types of things happen. Emotions, positive and negative, just happen and for a coach these emotions are not our main concern. Our main concern deasl with how a player deals with the emotions.

It is so important to impress upon your athlete that situations like these should be used as a source of fuel that will help keep the “fire” inside of you going.

Too often players and parents will get caught up in the “fairness” issue and allow situations like this to douse the “fire”.

Improvement and progress of the individual lies with the simple word:

ACCEPTANCE (ac·cep·tance) n
1. willingness to believe that something is true
2. the realization of a fact or truth resulting in somebody’s coming to terms with it

I think the first definition I listed is important because of the word WILLINGNESS. Players and parents who are unwilling to accept the coach’s decisions often get caught up in the “blame game”.

The problem with the blame game is that you never take your turn. Every time the dice get put into your hands and you are asked to roll them, you pass the dice to someone else. You fail to take action to improve your situation and instead sit and blame others.

Playing the “blame game” is the easiest way in the world to deal with your problems as it calls for no effort what so ever. . . it is also the least likeliest way to create self improvement.

The second definition I listed is important because of the words. . . “coming to terms with it.”

Acceptance does not mean that things can’t change over time. Acceptance just means you accept your present situation but you don’t necessarily accept it as permanent.

What coming to terms with the situation allows you to do is create the “right action” response.

With this mentality you can now go into an improvement stage. The level of commitment you will put into improvement will all depend on the importance of the activity.

But setting your mind to improve your situation is paramount to any change that will occur.

Of course the choice to “blame” or to go the road of “acceptance” are up to you to make.