Viking Coach

It wasn't that long ago that I saw myself more as an "uncle" figure in my "basketball family".

I was just too darn' young to consider myself a "dad" to the girls I coached. As the years have ticked on and my acceptance of getting old has finally came to fruition, I now feel very comfortable seeing myself in a "parent" role over my charges. In fact, how I handle situations has become a lot more clear cut.

When issues arise, I now just handle it like I would handle my own boys. Even though I can be fairly easy on my boys. . . my wife feels she has to be the ogre way too often. . . there are a core set of values that I want to instill.

This means there are some "hills" that I feel are worth fighting for.

Paramount to all hills. . .RESPECT.

Respect rises above all others. If you have respect for self, respect for family, respect for your fellow humans. . .all other actions fall into line. Look at some of the problems that have occured in your life. Wouldn't the value of respect have helped a great deal?

This is probably why red flags start popping up every time I start feeling that I am not being respected as a coach. I look at some of the issues that have caused me the most frustration over the years and they all tend to deal with respect.

My relationship with my players hinges on this key ingredient as does the success of the team in general. When there isn't a respect between player and coach there is no foundation to build a relationship and without a solid relationship you can not build a successful team.

Sometimes the player may never come to respect the coach as a person but the position of the coach must be respected if a successful relationship is going to occur.

In the world of coaching and education you hear, "I will respect the teacher/coach when he respects me" quite often. This over-used excuse once again demonstrates how blaming and making excuses just doesn't work. The reality of life is that the "position" of authority always has the "right of respect".(Meaning the position has already established a status that requires respect.)

Think of it this way. . .a boss may not show you much respect but in order for you to be successful in your position you can not disrespect her. Example: You can't mouth off, roll your eyes, be argumentative or be flat out cantankerous and expect the boss to treat you well.

I would guess if you polled coaches across the nation and asked them what was the number one issue in their relationship with their "troubled" or "non-favorite" players it would be that players insolence.

Conversely, players that show a great deal of respect to the coach quickly become a "favorite" of the coach. This does not mean that quality playing time will be gained with out athletic merit but it definitely won't be lost.

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If you are a parent of an athlete, I want you to take a moment and think about the conversations you have with your child about his or her coach. Are you promoting a sense of respect towards this person(position) or are you promoting a feeling of disrespect?

-I don't know what the coach is thinking.
-Why did the coach put Betty in? How stupid was that?
-The coach shouldn't have run that defense.
-The coach plays favorites and doesn't base playing time on talent.

If these sound familiar, you are really hurting your child. You are throwing salt on the field and it will be difficult for respect to grow in that environment. Help your child understand that even though she/he may not agree with all the decisions that a coach makes it is important to still show respect.

Instead of "throwing salt" help your child find ways to work on the areas of the game that she can excel at. . . Look for opportunities to enhances skills that may be limiting his playing time. . .Talk about the importance of hard work and determination when it comes to a players pursuit of success. These things will lead to a lasting habit of self improvement instead of a habit of blame and disrespect.
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The topic of "favorites" is one of the more popular complaints that a coach hears.

Here again RESPECT is king!!!!

I can almost guarantee that the players that show their coach genuine respect will gain "favorite" status and with this status they will be given more chances to earn playing time then players who are of equal ability but show very little respect. In fact, you better be a pretty exceptional athlete if you plan on giving your coach very little respect and still plan on playing.

I can say, with out reservation, that over the years the players(or parents) who have complained about not being my favorite or me having favorites have generally been the ones who have failed to show the proper respect for my position as a coach. As a result, I have been very stern with them and have not treated them as well as they wish I would have.

Today I had a situation occur with a player in which I felt the player was not respecting my position as the coach. This is a player who I have really felt a great deal of respect from but she really hates when I correct her play or her behavior and either verbally or non-verbally shows her frustration.

I blew up. . .My blood pressure went up. . .my eyes narrowed. . .my voice could have been used in the movie the "Exorcist" as I explained in no uncertain terms that this was not how things were going to be!

I stood up on the "hill" of respect and was ready to go to war.

Later, the player came up and asked to talk with me. She apologized and took responsibility for her actions. I told her what she did that I see as being disrespectful and how I can't have my players behaving in such a matter.

There were a few tears. . .a good positive discussion followed and an understanding was reached. This is the essence of RESPECT.

This talk is very similar to conversations I have had numerous times with my boys and also with my players over the years. I'm glad I stood on the "hill" because by standing up for my core values I believe I am helping "my family" find their hills and also helping them prepare for battle!

As a coach, as a parent, we have to be willing to stand strong on the hill of respect. . .it is the foundation on which all else rests.